It’s about to get very real around here. And I am terrified.
I stare at this blank screen and debate in my head. Am I ready to post this? Am I ready to come out of hiding?
And then I remember. This is 2012 – my year of being courageous.
So I draw a deep breath, and dive in.
I am a recovering good girl.
And it’s something I’ve battled for years. But, over the last 18 months or so, it’s been an ever-present fight, and one where I thought I was the only one feeling this way. But God has a funny way of preparing our hearts and providing the encouragement and hope we need just when we need it most. When I started this blog, I did some Amazon searching and found several books that looked interesting. One of them was Emily Freeman’s Grace for the Good Girl. Being a self-proclaimed “good girl” I was immediately intrigued and downloaded the book to my kindle app.
I read a couple of pages of it and then put it down. It challenged me, and I was not ready for that. I was expecting a “congrats on being a good girl, here’s some easy ways to show your faith” type of book. A book that fed my ‘good girl’ needs of praise and encouragement. Not a book that told me I was hiding behind all the ‘goodness.’ Don’t get me wrong, I still wanted to read it, I just didn’t want to hear what it had to say – now. I wasn’t ready yet.
So I let it be. I didn’t read the book – I let it sit in my kindle unattended and I feigned indifference.
But God wasn’t finished when I was. He wasn’t letting go.
As I dove deeper into my Compassion Sponsorship, as I followed more and more wonderful blogs, as I read powerful stories of hungering for faith and depending on God, I was brought back to this book – time and time again it showed up in my readings and my thoughts.
When I got a Barnes and Noble gift card for Christmas, I knew what I wanted: The physical copy – the one I could write in and scribble along the side. The one I could underline and highlight and hold.
I really do like my kindle books, but being a reader from an early age, there’s just something about holding the book in your hand. It’s the smell of the ink, the feel of the paper, the way the pencil marks the page.
And I knew that Grace for the Good Girl was a book I’d be marking all over.
And oh how I’ve marked it, and in turn, it’s marked me.
From the first lines I felt that it was written specifically for me.
Why else would she use such relevant examples? Why else would one of my favorite musicals be right there on the first page? It couldn’t be because so many people relate – I mean aren’t I the only good girl? It sure feels like it sometimes. No, she had to write that just for me.
So, I’m joining with Christina from Momma Day by Day and Lindsey from The Little Missionary Girl and countless others as we post our reactions and revelations on our road to recovering from our good girl status.
I hope you’ll come along for the ride – I’m sure it will be a bumpy one!